the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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