textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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