Your tits are I can't wait for
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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