We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
