i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
