wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize