Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize