i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
