shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
