i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
