Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize