Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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