remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
