Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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