so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
