We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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