Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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