Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
