operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
