Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
