not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You pole danced in your parka.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
