It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
