Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
