your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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