i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
