I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
