I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
BRING THE BAGELS
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
