I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found puke in my bra..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize