My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
