The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
