I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
