I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
