You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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