Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
