Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
