I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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