I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
