I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
