I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
