dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it hurts more in the daytime
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The adults are the big ones right?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
