dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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