Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
