You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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