i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
