Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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