We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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