I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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