Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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