Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we're so committed to being not committed
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