oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just invented taco cereal.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
