There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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