how can u be prego again
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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