don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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