Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
