Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize