Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
