i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
