I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Everyone says I win the strip club
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
