the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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