kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize