he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
