If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
