It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
