I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
