Joe is yelling at the trees again.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
