So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
