i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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