Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
