I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
