I think my fart just growled at me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
