dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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