There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
