the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
