matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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