i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize