i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
