She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
