I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
