legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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