i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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