it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
